The idea of planning a wedding shower goes back many years. This tradition began as a way to help the couple acquire the items needed to set up their new home. This is where the tradition of giving household items as shower gifts began. Although the rules concerning shower gifts have changed over the years, many of the etiquette rules have remained the same.

One of the ongoing traditions with the wedding shower is who is responsible for hosting it. The age-old tradition is that this is the responsibility (or honor, however you look at it) of either the maid of honor or the bridal party. If this is not possible, either a sister or close friend should handle hosting the wedding shower. The mother of the bride should not host the wedding shower because this is considered poor etiquette.

If you have chosen to make the shower a surprise, you must be certain to indicate that on the invitations so that no one accidentally mentions it to the bride-to-be thinking that she knows about it. If you think keeping it a secret will create a problem, by all means, share the information with the bride-to-be. There is certainly no hard and fast rule of etiquette that says the wedding shower must be a surprise.

What About the Groom?

There was a time when wedding showers were only for women, but as times have changed, so has this rule. With current trends, it is more acceptable to host a “couples” shower than in the past, and there is nothing in any of the rules of etiquette to discourage this practice. Sometimes while the bride opens the gifts in front of the women guests, the men go into another room to watch sports or talk. Another idea that is often presented is to invite the men to come after the gifts have been opened – just in time for food to be served. The choice is completely up to the person who is hosting the shower.

When Should the Shower Be Held?

You don’t want to plan it too early because even though no one wants to think about the possibility, there’s always a slight chance the wedding won’t happen. As a rule, the shower is held six to eight weeks prior to the wedding day. Any closer than that, and you run the risk of interfering with the bride’s final dress fittings and other last minute details of the wedding plans.

If it’s not a surprise and the bride knows about the shower, you can ask her to provide you with a list of available dates. For surprise showers, the groom and the bride’s family and friends need to get together in order to pick a date that will be workable for everyone. It should be held on a day where both the mother of the bride, mother of the groom, and any other special relatives will be able to attend so that there will be no hurt feelings.

Invitations

The most difficult part is knowing whom to invite. If the bride knows about the shower, she can provide you with a list of names and addresses. If the shower is going to be a surprise, it may be a little more difficult. One idea is to get a list of names and addresses early in the wedding planning, letting the bride know that eventually there will be a shower but keeping any details of when it might be a secret.
The groom and relatives can also be helpful in developing the guest list. The mother of the bride will be privy to the guest list, and the groom can help with friends and co-workers. With the exception of co-workers, be careful not to invite anyone to the shower who is not invited to the wedding.
Gifts
Brides who are registered or know about the shower can provide the host with a list of items they would like to have. Proper etiquette discourages the practice of putting requested gifts or money in the invitations, but it is acceptable to notate that the bride is registered. More details concerning wedding gifts can be given when the guest calls the host to confirm her intentions to attend the shower.